WHO ARE YOU STALKING?

So I searched for this guy I used to date. He was a total loser. I went to Prom with him and we had sex for the first time that night — cliche! Then, like, three weeks later I find out he was dating a cheerleader from a town, two towns over in Roselle. Roselle, NJ is filled with whores, btw. I just wanted to say that. So Jimmy, that was the loser’s name, dates this other girl for like ten minutes and last I hear of him, he went to Hollywood to be an actor. Ha! Keep smokin that reefer, Jimmy! Keep smokin’ it! I figured he’d be a porn actor by now — this is seven years later. So I googlestalk his ass. Turns out he never made it as an actor — surprise, surprise. The googlestalking turned up his name as a top salesman for this company. Well, it look like Jimmy’s made something of himself. Then I dig a little bit into the website and it turns out he sells Bariatric beds. That’s right, he sells beds for fat chicks. That’s the dream, Jimmy. Congrats!