WHO ARE YOU STALKING?

I’m the best Google Stalker! I’m one of those guys that can make you say wow, how’d you find that, or make your spine shiver at the details of data that can be found thru the public information highway. I was working for HP and a buddy of mine said.. “Sure ya can..”. Yeah, it was a jab at me, a personal challenge. So I told him, “Name a person you want to find. Give me 5 facts about the person”. He gave me 5 simple facts. High school, she was a cheerleader. her nickname, age, and thought where she moved. Less than 5 minutes later I showed him an obituary, and told him where her plot was and that she’d been fighting breast cancer. He was saddened that I found out his High school crush was dead, but shocked that I found it. Just recently helped a man who lost contact with his family from a central American mudslide. I helped reunite his family that had immigrated to America, 15 years of no contact. I got him in touch with them for Xmas, and a month before his father died. His father and he were able to talk and catch up. Sometimes my Google skills give me a warm glow when I can help family find family. I’m the best Google Stalker!

I’m a bouncer at a strip club so it makes sense that my co-worker is a stripper, right? Yeah. I wish I had pictures of my co-worker the stripper that I could show you. But I ain’t got no pictures. It’s against our strip club’s policy. Probably any strip club’s policy, but this is the only strip club I’ve ever worked at so I don’t know. Plus it might weird her out if I just started taking pictures of her. So what makes this stripper co-worker different than my other stripper co-workers? She’s not a skank. I mean, the other day, some guy tried to pay her to have sex with him and she handled it so gracefully. So my new co-worker that is a stripper, let’s call her Susie. Actually, that is her name, but I’m not telling you her full name. Okay, I will, it’s Susie —— (EDITOR’S NOTE: You can submit your Google Stalking stories, but you cannot use last names. We will delete them.)

So after a couple of conversations at the strip club with Susie, she tells me she used to live in Houston but not no more. Obviously. Cause we’re in Dallas. So I Google stalk her name plus Houston in Google and I come up with nothing. I assume she used a different name when she was in Houston so the next day I slide into the convo, asking if she used to go by a different name. Ya know? She says yeah, she did. Caroline. Shoot! Who’s she a Kennedy? So then I try her name as Caroline, still nothing. She’s bone dry on the Google front. Then the next day, I ask her if she was ever married. She was, but I can’t get her husband’s last name cause then she’ll just think I’m a stalker, forget the Google part. So when she’s on stage, wrapping her long, tanned legs around the pole, I search through her pocketbook and find a report card for her kid that I guess she had to sign and send back with him. Either way, on the report card is a different last name then I was searching. Must be her married name. Now I got what I need for some google stalking!

When I get home that night, I searched the new name and finally all of these results pop up. She was an accountant back in Dallas. Seems like she had a bad relationship where she had to file charges against her ex. She must’ve had to run to Houston to get away from some bad stuff. I knew she was different than all the other stripper skanks. Susie’s special. Now I gotta get the courage to ask her out.