WHO ARE YOU STALKING?

What do sell outs mean to me? Means they have no business, but other people’s business. Mind your own business! Sell outs mean people can’t chill out without bugging out. Chill the eff out! Sell outs mean they get high on hate speech. Hate on yourself, you big nose donkey square. Sell outs say, “Screw that b*tch. I ain’t calling her ass again,” then the sell outs call her. Be what you want to be, but live up to it. Come correct! Sell outs open the door to the refrigerator, see nothing and then ask their Moms to make them dinner. Make your damn self dinner! Sell outs wear water wings. Learn to swim! Sell outs go to a birthday party, order all kinds of food and drinks then ask to split the bill evenly. Pay for your damn self! Sell outs sample every flavor of ice cream and take like three years to order. Vanilla is vanilla, sell out! Sell outs call their homeboys when their woman’s out of town but then can’t pick up the phone when their lady’s around. Just call a brother! Say what’s up! That is all. Sell outs take two pennies from the “Take a Penny, Leave a Penny” bowl and never leave a damn penny. Stop being cheap, sell out! Sell outs don’t pay child support. They make up excuses why the kid is not their responsibility, but we all know excuses are like assholes and these men are assholes. Take care of your own! Sell outs are old best friends that you find through Google, while Googlestalking, and when you write them to see how they are doing, they never write back. You could at least hit me back. Sell out!

Sell outs out…

After falling in love with a vegetarian, who wouldn’t kiss me after I ate meat, my choice was to continue to eat meat or become a vegetarian with her. Have her call me “Beef Lips” or go cold tofurky. So during the three years my ex-girlfriend and I dated, we were both vegetarian for two and a half years. She was a strict vegetarian and I guess you can say I was a strict vegetarian by association. We were not the kind of vegetarians that eat only fish and occasionally chicken. Not the kind of vegetarians that eat vegetarian 99% of the time then eat bacon on special occasions. We were vegetarians that made sure rice wasn’t cooked in chicken broth. We were vegetarians that ate jackfruit carnitas because jackfruit tastes a lot like pork when prepared properly. Jackfruit carnitas taste similar to pork, which is not to say it tastes the same. Similar!

So recently I went Google Stalking looking to see what my ex-girlfriend was up to. Why? More or less to torture myself. I saw she was still working at her old job. Still frequented the same websites she used to, using the same username she always used. Then I, the Google Stalker, found something very interesting. She’s started posting reviews on Yelp, the restaurant review website that gives everyone a voice even if they shouldn’t have one. The restaurant review site we used to make fun of together because everyone on there seems more interested in being “discovered” for their “hilarious” Carls Jr. review than actually providing any actual information in their reviews. Well, now she was writing reviews on there. So there’s that! But it gets worst. She was still going to restaurants that we used to go to together. Same crappy vegetarian restaurants that I had to suffer through. Macrobiotic? How about Nasty-As-Crap-iotic? She was describing what a wonderful sport her “BF” was. (BTW, BF is boyfriend or so I deduced from an online dictionary for twenty-somethings that use twelve-year-olds’ lingo.) Her BF, get a load of this, tried all of her vegetarian plates no matter how gross he thought they were. I tried all of your gross food for 2 years and 6 months! Wasn’t I a good sport? Then I read the nail in the coffin. Her new “BF” absolutely loved this one restaurant, but all their specialty was steak. Well, it seems she really wanted to experience what it was that her “BF” enjoyed so much so she had a steak and now she’s hooked. Ugh. How about you stab my in the eye with a steak knife?