So my friends and I were at Cafe Tu Tu Tango at The Block in Orange, hanging out and drinking margaritas. After about three margs, I’m drunk, but still have my wits about me when this guy, Luis, comes up to me. Luis is Spanish, with dark eyes and the perfect cheekbones. You know the type? Can get whatever he wants with the smallest of smiles. Well, Luis engages my girlfriends and I in conversation. But he’s really focusing his attention on me. His eyes piercing through me. Turns out we went to the same church when we were younger. The Crystal Cathedral in Orange… It’s gigantic, so it’s not that coincidental. Well, he asks for my phone number. I thought that was very gentlemanly of him since he could’ve probably taken me home right there and then (Yes, church is way in my past now!).
The next day my phone rings and it’s Luis. I was not put off by the quick call from him. In fact, I liked it because I hate… HATE games. So we make arrangements to meet up later that night… Again, I don’t mind the immediacy of the date. He picks me up in a Porsche. I’m not a gold digger, but it doesn’t hurt, ya know? We go to this Italian restaurant and the conversation is just connected. There’s laughing at the right time. Pauses to listening at the right time. Talking over each other at the right time. It’s fucking perfect! Seriously, I want to jump his bones between the pasta fagoli and the ziti. I want his ziti! I’m fucking rubbing my legs together I’m getting so hot. So after the soup, he goes to the bathroom… And I follow him. Yeah, we joined the five foot up club in Baci’s! It was incredible. The second best thing to the sex was the look on the teenagers face who was waiting for the bathroom when we walked out.
The next door I was relaying my story to my best friend and she was like, “So who is this guy?” And I told her all of the stuff he told me… And she’s like, “No, who really is he?” So she Googles his name and finds out he’s exactly who he said he was. But he registered this one account on this righty, evangelical website. Like I said, I used to go to Church too, but his comments were of the “psycho Democrats should die” variety. Ugh… In one comment, “God. What a bunch libertarian trash! Daft Wingers stand for everything I despise about the lie of individuality. It’s an empty sham. The are into “individuality” when it serves their needs.” Alas, he’s just another creep. And he put indivduality into quotes like a douchebag.
