WHO ARE YOU STALKING?

I’m a bouncer at a strip club so it makes sense that my co-worker is a stripper, right? Yeah. I wish I had pictures of my co-worker the stripper that I could show you. But I ain’t got no pictures. It’s against our strip club’s policy. Probably any strip club’s policy, but this is the only strip club I’ve ever worked at so I don’t know. Plus it might weird her out if I just started taking pictures of her. So what makes this stripper co-worker different than my other stripper co-workers? She’s not a skank. I mean, the other day, some guy tried to pay her to have sex with him and she handled it so gracefully. So my new co-worker that is a stripper, let’s call her Susie. Actually, that is her name, but I’m not telling you her full name. Okay, I will, it’s Susie —— (EDITOR’S NOTE: You can submit your Google Stalking stories, but you cannot use last names. We will delete them.)

So after a couple of conversations at the strip club with Susie, she tells me she used to live in Houston but not no more. Obviously. Cause we’re in Dallas. So I Google stalk her name plus Houston in Google and I come up with nothing. I assume she used a different name when she was in Houston so the next day I slide into the convo, asking if she used to go by a different name. Ya know? She says yeah, she did. Caroline. Shoot! Who’s she a Kennedy? So then I try her name as Caroline, still nothing. She’s bone dry on the Google front. Then the next day, I ask her if she was ever married. She was, but I can’t get her husband’s last name cause then she’ll just think I’m a stalker, forget the Google part. So when she’s on stage, wrapping her long, tanned legs around the pole, I search through her pocketbook and find a report card for her kid that I guess she had to sign and send back with him. Either way, on the report card is a different last name then I was searching. Must be her married name. Now I got what I need for some google stalking!

When I get home that night, I searched the new name and finally all of these results pop up. She was an accountant back in Dallas. Seems like she had a bad relationship where she had to file charges against her ex. She must’ve had to run to Houston to get away from some bad stuff. I knew she was different than all the other stripper skanks. Susie’s special. Now I gotta get the courage to ask her out.